my he{art}

It has been 24 days since I lost you mom and this morning it weighs so heavy on my heart. Last night, like so many nights, I just couldn't sleep. I still have a tight feeling in my chest and a lump in my throat; it's always like I've had the wind knocked out of me and I can't catch my breath.

Everyday I try to do SOMETHING to let you know how much I love you, and miss you. I wish there was more I could do, but I am not an artist of the drawing kind, and I cannot paint a picture to show you how much you mean to me. I'm not good enough with words to write a beautiful poem or passage that could possibly describe everything you have meant and continue to mean to me (how could I possibly put into words your strength, your friendship, unconditional love, and your laughter...you always had a way to put a smile on everyone's face)...

Although I can't do any of those things, I literally wear my he{art} on my sleeve and try to show you all this by carrying little pieces of you on me everyday, like

Your oversized sweater, that still holds your smell

Your locket that you wore constantly when I was a little girl

And the sky high platforms you insisted I buy for myself because you said they were just too hot to pass up (you were always pure genius with shoes momma).

I'm putting this out there, so somewhere you can read it and when you see those little pieces you know what it means.

I love you momma,

Beans Baxter/Breanna Lynne/your daughter and friend.

My Closet: 70's beach dress

Hello Yellow! My mom used to wear this bright terry cloth dress as a swimsuit cover-up in the 70's. I wasn't alive then, but I certainly wish I could have seen it on my momma. Once I saw the dress I could instantly picture mom's tiny frame elegantly poised in this flowing, and oh-so retro, maxi dress. At my age (26), my mom was 4 inches taller and 4 pounds lighter than me. She was 5'7" weighing in at 98 pounds dripping wet; certainly not tall enough to be a model, but she could have fooled me. She was just so naturally thin - she even said she ate cake everyday for weeks before her wedding to try and gain weight for her big day (Oh mom, if only I could eat cake everyday and not be able to gain a pound! It certainly would all go to my hips!).

I belted the dress here, because I'd like to imagine that my mom might have belted it from time to time to emphasize her adorably tiny waist. And of course I wore it with some bright red toe nails, because for 26 years I don't remember mom ever wearing any other color.

Hope you had a happy & sunny weekend.

xox,

Bre